A Hard Truth About Change
There’s something I often find myself gently offering in therapy sessions, one that tends to land with both hope, and discomfort:
If we want to feel different, we have to do different.
It’s simple to say—though not so simple to live. Especially when we're stuck in feelings of pain, sadness, overwhelm, or hopelessness. When life feels heavy, the last thing we feel equipped to do is take action. But it’s exactly in those moments that action—however small—can begin to shift something for us.
The Hard Truth
Sometimes, we may find ourselves caught in a waiting pattern—imagining that once we feel better, we’ll be ready to make a move. Someday, clarity, peace, confidence, or motivation will arrive, and then things will be different.
It’s such a tender, human hope. Though what often happens is this: we wait and wait…and nothing shifts. That sense of “readiness” doesn’t arrive in the way we imagined, and slowly, that waiting begins to feed the belief that change isn’t possible after all. That we must be doing something wrong. That maybe we're just too broken, too tired, too far behind. This mindset, though deeply understandable, can quietly fuel hopelessness. It can keep us feeling powerless and stuck.
The truth is: Change asks something of us. It doesn’t arrive on its own— we have to meet it.
If we want something in our lives to shift—our relationships, our self-worth, our daily habits, our emotional state—we need to engage in the work of changing it. Even gently. Even imperfectly. Even one inch at a time.
Honoring the Challenges of Change
There may be a part of you that feels some discomfort as you read this—a part that says, “I’ve already tried. I’m tired. I don’t know what else to do.” If that’s present, that’s completely okay. Change can be difficult. Often, it asks us to step away from what’s familiar—and even when the familiar is painful, it can feel more comfortable than the unknown. Old patterns and roles can become a kind of shelter: predictable, known, even if they no longer serve us.
If this is where you find yourself, pause and notice how it might feel meet that part of you with compassion. It makes sense to feel this way. And yet—those moments are often where the possibility for something new emerges.
Change doesn’t have to be all at once, and you don’t need to have everything mapped out. Change can begin by allowing yourself the space to start small, right here. It might mean getting dressed even when the day feels heavy. Stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air. Choosing to nourish yourself with rest when you’d usually push through. Setting a boundary, asking for help, or pausing to breathe before reacting. These shifts might seem small—but they’re anything but insignificant.
Finding Your Agency, One Step at a Time
Agency—connection to the power we have to shape our experiences—is an antidote for feelings of hopelessness. You don’t need to know the full plan. You just need one next step. Then allow yourself to be surprised by how even the smallest shifts can ripple into larger ones.
Here are a few invitations to consider:
What is one change I’m seeking in my life?
Why does this change feel important to me, and how would my life be different if it were to happen?
What’s one small, manageable step I can take that would bring me closer to this change?
A Path Forward
If you’re feeling lost or unsure, know that you’re not alone in this. Change doesn’t happen all at once—it begins with small, gentle steps. Each step you take, no matter how small, holds the potential to shift your experience.
Disclaimer: The content and resources provided on this blog are intended solely for educational and informational purposes. They are not a substitute for professional psychotherapy or mental health treatment. Nothing presented here should be construed as personalized therapeutic advice. The information shared may or may not be applicable to your individual circumstances.
